| crazy |
[August 06, 2008] |
You'd expect all there to be in this place is white, yet it's filled with such a strange color. People fighting over their superhero preferences. Being beaten to a pulp for saying they liked aquaman, that was probably why he was here anyway. The people are all so vivid. Is it bad that I feel at home? Is it bad that I feel safe with Deb who believes she is the Cat goddess of the Nile? Is it bad that Bella who needs to blog every three hours is my closest confidant? Is it bad that those people are the ones who matter in my sick twisted head?
My eyes scan the white walls, yet I see colors everywhere. The colors of the people. George who smuggles in Taco Bell for his 'sanest' patient. George is a silly man. My eyes stop in Carl the one man who seems out of place. Carl the man who has no problems that I can see. Well no problem if you ignore that he's in a straight jacket to keep him from killing children again. Why do I see these people and just laugh? They are all doing it wrong. They can't do insane right. They can't do it right at all. Their crazy isn't the one that cripples people's lives. They end them or hurt themselves. They don't damage hearts.
White, yet at the same time a myriad of color. My eyes now settle on Tim. I love Tim, or at least one half of Tim. He's the kind of guy with split personality disorder that you see in the movies. Polar opposites. One side loves me, the other loathes every fiber of my being. He's doing it right. I'm doing it right. Shane, the Aquaman boy, he's doing it wrong. They all are. Tim and I are the exceptions to the rule.
It's funny, and everyone thinks I'm the sanest. However, out of everyone here I have the most meetings. I have to attend group every night. Therapy twice a day and my psychiatrist once a day as well. They all just get drugged and shoved in a corner. They know that won't work for me. Cause I'm the bad type of crazy. I'm the kinda crazy who wants you to join her.
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| I am so bored and don't know how to make this a little linky thing >.> |
[November 06, 2007] |
| What Your Handwriting Says About You | 
You are a laid back person with rather low energy. You aren't lazy... you *are* sensitive and empathetic.
You are very extroverted and outgoing. You are loving, friendly, and supportive. However, you are also manipulative and controlling at times.
You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.
You don't a lot of space, and you prefer to spend time with others. You are a little nosy and intrusive. You sometimes don't give people enough space.
You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart.
You are a poor communicator. No one really knows exactly what you're getting at. |
| Your Family Is 88% Dysfunctional | 
Your family is more than a little nuts. And you definitely should think about moving on.
This doesn't mean you need to completely cut your family out of your life...
But it does mean you need to create a healthy support system of your own. One that doesn't involve your family.
Even if you've already made a clean break from your past, it still may be haunting you. Checking in with a therapist from time to time is probably a good idea. |
| You Are Very Happy Being Single | 
You're not anti-relationship. You just don't need one to be content.
You find plenty of happiness from your life as it is.
And if you find someone you love, then that's just icing on an already decadent cake! |
| Your Beauty Element is Fire | 
Wild and sexy, you keep your beauty style smokin' hot.
You're not afraid of glamour or showing off your assets! |
| You Are More Yang | 
Masculine
Creative
Angry
Spring
Summer
Morning
Sun
Space
Active
Wood
Chocolate |
| You Have Not Been Ruined by American Culture | 
You're nothing like the typical American. In fact, you may not be American at all.
You have a broad view of the world, and you're very well informed.
And while you certainly have been influenced by American culture (who hasn't?), it's not your primary influence.
You take a more global philosophy with your politics, taste, and life. And you're always expanding and revising what you believe. |
| You Should Be a Film Writer | 
You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.
You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.
Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.
And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen! |
| Reeses Peanut Butter Cups | 
Very popular, one of you is not enough. |
| You Should Be With an Air Sign! | 
Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius
Why? You crave excitement and playful banter
Only an Air Sign can match your wit - and keep you on your toes
As for fun, an Air Sign guy will show you plenty with tons of surprises
Just be sure to introduce him to some new playful experiences as well! |
| You Are Very Skeptical | 
Your personal motto is: "Prove it."
While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice...
You aren't going to believe them simply because it feels good.
You let science and facts be your guide... Even if it means you don't share the beliefs of those around you. |
| Your True Sign Is Pisces | 
Kind
Dreamy
Gentle
Psychic
Idealist
Vulnerable
Empathetic
Introverted |
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| now I shall be just like everyone else... |
[September 28, 2007] |
A
• Are you available?: Yes
• What is your age?: 17
• What annoys you?: naivete
B
• Do you know anyone named Billy?: Si!
• When is your birthday?: April 19, 1990
• Who is your best friend?: Sammy
C
• What's your favorite candy?: Three Fucking Musketeers!
• Crush?: nope, not anymore.
• When was the last time you cried?: Fuck you
D
• Do you daydream?: absolutely
• What's your favorite kind of dog?: Corgies and Huskies ^.^ they be cool
• What day of the week is it?: Friday
E
• How do you like your eggs?: Deviled
• Have you ever been in the emergency room?: yep twice.
• Ever pet an elephant?: Si and ridden one
F
• Do you use fly swatters?: Yes, mine are electric and cause instantaneous death...and my amusement.
• Have you ever used a foghorn?: no
• Is there a fan in your room?: yes.
G
• Do you chew gum?: Yes
• Do you like gummy candies?: Hellz yes.
• Do you like gory movies?: Fuck you. I'm a wimp. But if its cool gore....I'm all fore it.
H
• How are you?: -.- Icecream.
• What's your height?: I....don't know. Shorter than Karli....and most people
• What color is your hair?: blonde yo
I
• Whats your favorite ice cream?: yummy kind?
• Have you ever ice skated?: no
• Ever been in an igloo?: yes, I made on in my front yard out of one fucking huge snowball and a spoon.
J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean?: ?
• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke?: no
• Do you wear jewelry?: Yes
K
• Who do you want to kill?: nope no one...only mame
• Have you ever flown a kite?: no
• Do you think kangaroos are cute?: sure?
L
• Are you laidback?: yes?
• Lions or Tigers?: FUCKING HELLZ YES!
• Do you like black licorice?: No.
M
• Favorite movie as a kid?: Laberynth
• Ever shopped at Moosejaw?: qua?
• Favorite store at the mall?: Hot Topic, and booky places
N
• Do you have a nickname?: Tori...god...hey you...I go by many.
• Whats your favorite number?: 13
• Do you prefer night or day?: Night
O
• What's your one wish?: To...be
• Are you an only child?: ha....good one
• Do you like the color orange?: no, go kill yourself
P
• What are you most paranoid about?: people finding out things they shouldn't.
• Piercings?: one each ear. Thats whats up....>.> I know I'm not black
• Do you know anyone named Penelope?: Si
Q
• Are you quick to judge people?: si, and quicker to change my judgments.
• Do you like Quaker Oats?: eh...depends
• Know anyone that makes quilts?: yes
R
• Do you think you're always right?: no...but I'll stick to my wrong, like it's right.
• Do you watch reality TV?: So you want to be a superhero. (when I see it on)
• Reason to cry?: ummm...shut up?
S
• Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain
• Do you like snow?: YES
• Whats your favorite season?: spring
T
• time is it?: 3:33 PM
• What time did you wake up?: 6:46 AM
U
• Can you ride a unicycle?: no
• Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: Yes
• uncles do you have?: 7
V
• What’s the worst vegetable?: Cauliflower
• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?: HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cause I love my lips!
• Ever considered being vegan?: no
• What's your worst habit?: Procrastinating
• Do u like water rides?: yes, but not water >.>
• Ever been inside a windmill?: no
X
• Have you ever had an x-ray?: yes for my back
• Ever used a Xerox machine?: nope
Y
• Do you like the color yellow?: eh
• What year were you born in?: 1990
• Do you yell when you're angry?: yes, or get really really quiet
Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac?: No
• What's your zodiac sign?: Aries >.> bitches
• When was the last time you went to the zoo?: This summer with Tori and her little sister and a bunch of other people
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| Help? |
[September 20, 2007] |
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Why am I being so introspective today? Why is the topic of love and all it's impossibilities gnawing at the back of my head? Help?
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| Stress |
[September 09, 2007] |
Alright so last night I had a dizzy spell that left me in tears. But I'm ok now...I didn't get much sleep last night, I woke myself when I started to dream. So now I'm tired and running a slight fever. Damn you anxiety and stress...damn you!
I want to sleep well. I was going to go to Chelsea's to sleep today, but she wants to be alone...so I shall leave her alone. T.T
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| God Damnit |
[September 08, 2007] |
I can't sleep. At all. Every time I close my eyes, horror films leap into my mind. All my dearest friends viciously murdered and displayed. Ever scenario that has ever frightened me, is assaulting me in my sleep. I can't see Alex, Sam, Chelsea, and Peter all brutally dismembered and killed there nightly.
I wonder what could have brought these nightmares to me. I wish they would leave, because I am now afraid to sleep, and seeing as school has started, that could be very bad.
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| Classes and special insider news |
[September 06, 2007] |
So today is the third day of school. I have very few complaints this year...yay? Lets see...
First: Photo. I like pictures so this shouldn't be too bad. Ms. Doty doesn't seem that bad. She and I have talked and she seemed to like me (I could be wrong).
Third: The only class I really don't like. I have Ms. Claypoole...again. She can't teach. Is this some sort of cruel joke?
Fifth: English 12 with Miss Hukari. She is amazing. She has a great sense of humor. I mean she is amazing...I think I will really enjoy English this year.
Second: This is US/VA history...joy. I hate this sort of class. But I have Mike and Joe Scott in there...so it shouldn't be too bad. It's a team taught class...so it shouldn't be too bad.
Fourth: Creative Writing. Looks like loads of fun. This should help me increase my courage. My willingness to share me.
Sixth: Is Music theory, much fun. I write morbid little tales in there...much fun. Mike is there too.
Seventh: Government...amazing
Okay, now for the insider's update. Ok...so today when my dad and I went to the office to withdraw me from the school, I looked around and thought. I really hate this school. I hate the way they treat us like children, I hate how they talk down to us. Actually there is very little I like about this school. The idea of going to Maine made me happier. I smiled brightly as I made my way into the office.
Then I looked around and saw all the people roaming the halls, on their way to sports or marching band. I was thinking about them and how hard they tried for this piece of crap school. I sighed heavily and grabbed my dad's arm, and dragged him back out. We went, and got me some subway and went home. The short of it is, I'm staying. I was going to leave tomorrow...but I'm calling Hyde back and telling them I'm sorry, but I can't attend their school after all.
>.> so yea.
<.
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| My head is pounding. |
[September 01, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
Okay, so I'm in an odd mood. I feel like a bitch, and I'm tired. Oh so very tired. I had my interview this morning. The real one. I'm in... So I guess I should pack for Hyde. Here's the thing though. It's not like a thing I REALLY want to do anymore. I think I'll miss everyone too much. I've already left all my friends once...then again I'll be watching them all leave me next year while I go to NOVA. What about my grades...boarding school would defiantly help with that. Spike would have to stop by, cause Cory's brother lives near Hyde.
So yea, I'm stressed. I have till Monday to make my final choice. Great, just what I need...more stress. Although the stress, might explain why I've been losing so much weight lately. Just for the record, me losing weight rapidly = bad. I've had weight problems before...don't need it now. My head hurts, maybe I should take an aspirin...or something.
Ok...so yesterday was both good...and really really bad. Buddha picked me up at like 10:30 in the morning...which was fine for me. But Chelsea didn't like that...too early for her taste. We drove down to Alexandria and picked up Sam. Then we drove to Summer and met up with Sydney. We then sat around for much longer than I ever wanted to and waited for Lauren (my hair lady) to pick us up. I'm blonder again...btw. So we were all squished into a car. Then we sat there and I watched part of Hostel and all of Murder by numbers (great movie!).
Then we got in Cody, the pot head's, car and went back to Summer's. We then had to pow wow and think of how to get to Jo's. So we broke into teams. Cynthia and her mom picked up Sam and Chelsea while Micheal Thola picked me up. I beat them there...only because they got lost. The party was fun...saw lots of old friends. Cedrick and I talked, and argued about when we met. Second grade...just for the record. Then Alex(girl) avoided me the whole night...which was odd. Umm oh! And Ryan Baker...the one Alex (pumpkin) told me never to speak to...decided him and I were the best of best friends again. Annoying...but interesting. Ryan almost blew himself up.
My pet Momo was there...which was nice. But all in all the night was just stressful. Then Buddha came and drove me home. Where I proceeded to argue with my dad about if I should go to NOVA...or Hyde. It was annoying...so I went to bed in a very foul mood...and had Tally Hall stuck in my head as I slept.
Upside I got the ring back tone on my phone to work.
Also on a slightly deeper note. I was thinking about life, you know in general. I realized that I use people a lot. So I am making a pact...that after this person I am using right now. I'll put a stop to it. cause I kinda feel like a bitch. However...a corset...can't say no to that. >.> Hey he's creepy...and i don't like creepy.
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| The best person EVER!!!! |
[August 30, 2007] |
Okay, so today I have decided something. My friend Chelsea (yeah, you've heard of her, Chelsea Mcstabstab.) anyway, my friend Chelsea is the most super fantastic person I've ever met. I mean, she's just sool frikken cool! I seriously think she's the coolest person I've ever met, and I'm not exagerating. She's just so much fun and I love to hang out with her. She tells me I'm pretty!
But seriously. She is pretty amazing. Almost as amazing as me, but not quite, but she's pretty close. She's most definitaly cooler then anyone else I've ever met, that's for sure. But yeah, I think she's the best person I've ever met. I mean, she's almost as cool as me, and I'm God!
So, I just want you all to know, that Chelsea is amazing.
And she's my hero.
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| My schedule |
[August 30, 2007] |
I think I might kill myself if I go to C-ville this year
Photo 1- Doty
Us Va History- White
Algebra 2- Claypoole (this is why I will kill myself)
Creative Writing- Grace
English 12- Hukari
2-D studio Art- Young (must get out of...somehow)
Us Ca Govt- McKinney
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| Grr |
[August 30, 2007] |
So I hate my schedule. I hate art classes, so what do they put me in? 2-D Art Studio...fun...-.-
OH! But on a very upside I got a cell phone (Finally)
571-926-0454
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| What Do You Have To Say? - Time Travel |
[August 28, 2007] |
I think if I had to spend a day with someone from history, it would be Vlad Tepes. I've researched him enough, to know what would offend him...so I could make sure that I don't do those things. History says that he had a sadistic personality, and a cruel sense of humor. Perfect I've got a cruel sense of humor as well.
I think there are few people who would understand him as well as I could. I don't view him as a monster, but rather an idol. A saint if you will. He's a smart man, a determined man. I just want to get more into his head, more into the man, the...inspiration for Dracula and my own writing.
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| Bruises, tears, and wow that sounds emo |
[August 28, 2007] |
The last couple days have been rough. Lots of fights with the rents, lots of bruise covering, lots and lots of crying. However, something amazing happened. I discovered the wonders of white hot chocolate, at a tea party. Yes a tea party. I went for a mad hatter theme, and I think I pulled it off well.
My dad currently hates me with a passion, and by that I mean...with a passion. I can't even breathe without getting the glare of death. Which is why, tomorrow I am disappearing for a while. Anyone care to take me in? I've been spending a lot of time lately with my ex, Eddi, I think I should stop that. I think he's thinking there is something going to happen between us, when there isn't. There really isn't, at all, nothing. I swear. Actually there is the opposite of something, there is +gasp+ nothing.
Ugh... I hate when people decide to see things that aren't there...like evil looks and such, you know. Do I have a higher than thou view on life? Am I really a bitch. How will I survive in life? Do I look down on people? Am I too judgmental? Why can't I stop second guessing everything I do?
"Today you are called. "Barron O' Beefdip, but tomorrow I shall call you Admiral Wolverine Lighting bolt, cause those are the three coolest words ever." God I love my brother.
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[August 24, 2007] |
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My head feels really light...maybe that all night rp wasn't the smartest idea. >.
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| Hmm posting |
[August 24, 2007] |
Let me start by saying I got 14 new yaoi mangas today. Yes I know...I might have a problem.
SO lately, I've been hanging out a lot with my creepy ex. He's nice now, a little less creepy. Thats good. You shouldn't be THAT creepy. He took me and Sammy to get Dairy Queen the other day, and today we went to the comic book shop. I love that place. I mean L-O-V-E, love. I don't think you understand, that place is my one true love.
So tomorrow I go shopping for stuff I already have. Yea, I have to buy presents...that I already bought. Wahoo? Anyway...why are all my friends birthday's always in clumps? Can't anyone be original? Not that I have room to talk in that department...mine is like BAM in the middle of April...right with everyone else. -.-
So, I got a pair of Dr Pepper pants. The package says men sleepwear, which does not help in the battle I'm having with my brother to prove I am, in fact, female. He also has declared I am a man because I wear men's swim trunks when I swim because, being a girl, I don't like my legs. I also tend to belch and not care what people think, so of course I am...a man. >.>
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[July 22, 2007] |
So, heres the thing. I've been excessively emo the last couple days. Then I heard that my best friend from first grade was in town. (she moved to Texas at the beginning of the summer) So I emailed her and told her I was going to visit. This required me to beg with my dad to drive me down to Sammy's. He refused at first, but after pleading to see my once best friend, he drove me. Anyway...so I've emailed her, told her what day I'd be there.
I arrived when I said I would, and she was in Old towne Alexandria. Shopping, she hates shopping. Okay, no big deal...except she took everyone with her. So I go to my friend Johnna's cause I'm upset. I clean her room ( I clean when upsest).Jo comes home, completly dolled up. She was out shopping with Jess too... (for the record I was in Jo's house with alone. I know where the key is)
So I become annoyed and clean more. Then I attack her closet, and start rearranging that. Her mother comes home. (We have a theory that her mother likes me more.) She starts yelling at Jo, to get to work or she'll be late. She then comes in the room, and is shocked to realize it's me, not her daughter. I tell her that JO has gone to work and she looks around the room, impressed. She then goes through Jo's clothes and starts throwing them at me. "Take them. They make my daughter look like a cheap hooker." So, what is it ok for me to wear them? Do I look like a cheap hooker.
So I never did get to see the person that I had made this entire trip for. I'm still feeling emo, not because of this though (it didn't help, but that's life.) Anyway...I've been all introverted.
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[July 13, 2007] |
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I'm oddly excited! I was stood up for the first time...EVER! Isn't that great?! I mean I know I shouldn't be excited, but go d I am!
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[July 12, 2007] |
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Apparently I expect too much. I mean for him to actually show up...what was i thinking?
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| Thrilled |
[June 24, 2007] |
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Okay... so half my burn is in that annoying itchy phase while the other half is in that touch me and I'll burst into tears and die phase so not fair.
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| ow |
[June 23, 2007] |
I went to the beach... it was fun till the last day in which I got so burned i can barely move. Someone care to soothe my burning...burns?
I missed you guys.
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myra_firestar's journal
